What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
