Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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