watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
