Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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