So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
