matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
