for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
