Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
It's official drugs can't kill me
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
