I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
