The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
