We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Randomize
