the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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