You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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