oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
You left your underwear on the fireplace
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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