Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
