I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
