Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
