I wannas sexs uuuuu
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
