Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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