The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Randomize
