you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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