Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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