You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
