i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
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