Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
