I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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