38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
