I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Randomize
