How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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