party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
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after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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