o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.