I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.