My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
