I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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