she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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