So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
