do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
