Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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