You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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