Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
