Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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