you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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