Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
