it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
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