She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
