Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
So much Jack, so little girl.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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