I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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