Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
