My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
