Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
