i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
