i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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