GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
