her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
