if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I deserve this hangover.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
