Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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