I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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