so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
