This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
