The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Why did my mother make you get naked?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
