evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
