Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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