insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
