I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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