i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
