He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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