where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
