Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
