Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
