and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
