it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
