I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
