Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
We left an ass print on the piano.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
