My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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