genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
