Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
