Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
